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Mental wellness allows you to cope with normal life stressors, be productive, make a contribution to your family and community, and realize your unique abilities. As special needs parents, we are often asked to be productive and contribute at work and home while coping with high levels of life stressors. These life stressors are both ongoing and can also hit with little warning during times of crisis.
As special needs parents, it is so very important to care for our own mental wellness. It is easy to become exhausted both physically and mentally. From everyday worries to stress about tomorrow and the future there is a lot weighing on the minds of special needs parents.
In Organizing Physical Items to Improve Quality of Life, we looked at five areas of physical clutter that can limit your self-care and overall well-being. So now let’s look at five things to mentally remove to improve your emotional health as a special needs parent.
5 Things to MENTALLY Remove to Improve Mental Wellness
- Guilt
- Focusing on the Past
- Focusing on the Future
- Mental To-Do Lists
- Anger
Guilt
Did you know there are different types of guilt? One guides us as humans to be good members of society. For example, we may feel guilty for a short time if we forget someone’s birthday. But the guilt I am talking about here is the extreme “mom guilt” that so many special needs parents feel. The constant feeling of not being or doing enough or feeling at fault for a child’s illness can be intense and overwhelming. Often we know these thoughts are not true, but the feelings they bring can feel very real and very difficult to get rid of. Guilt can prevent us from moving forward and can limit our ability to care for ourselves. Furthermore, you should not feel guilty for taking time and space to take care of you.
Action Step: Ask yourself “is this thought true?” Also, ask “would I be pointing this finger of blame at a friend?” I bet the answers are “no.” You do not need to point the finger at yourself either.
Action Step: Work on some affirmations to retrain your thinking. For example, “I have always done my best and I am doing my best now.” Feeling guilty about taking time for yourself? Try “I am worthy.” You can also click on the link to read Affirmations for Special Needs Parents for more examples.
Focusing on the Past
Getting caught up in the should’ve, could’ve, or would’ve thought patterns in life can become overwhelming and will not change anything.
Looking back in time can increase the tendency to feel guilty.
If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
Lao Tzu
Action Step: Try a grounding technique to return your thoughts to the present. Go slowly through each of your senses. Label one thing you can see, hear, feel, smell, and taste.
Focusing on the Future
Goals are wonderful. Safety plans are important. However, getting caught in the what ifs and what could happens can lead to unnecessary worry and catastrophic thinking can lead to unnecessary fear.
This brings us to the next part of the quote.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
Lao Tzu
Action Step: Return to the present and think of 3 things that are going well right now. For example, you are able to read this post, you have access to information on the Internet, you are breathing. Build from here.
Action Step: Try keeping a gratitude journal. Write five things that you are grateful for each day. I like to use mine in the evenings before bed.
Mental To-Do Lists
We live busy lives and have the needs of multiple people to juggle. Keeping track of doctor appointments, medications, therapy times, and the day’s meal plan can take a toll.
Action Steps: Set alarms and reminders on your phone. Most phones will let you set recurring alarms and label them. Multiple medication times become simplified with reminders. If something pops into my mind as I fall asleep I often email myself a reminder and let it go for the night.
Action Steps: Write it down. You do not need to carry everything in your head. Make lists and keep a calendar. Experiment with what works best – written, digital or both.
Anger
Anger can feel very heavy, it drags you down, and it can cloud your judgement. It also prevents you from enjoying the calm, peaceful moments in life.
Allowing guilt to grow can also lead to anger. Dwelling on the disappointments from friends and family that have let you down in your special needs parenting journey can also lead to anger. As can focusing on blaming doctors or the frustrations of the school or mental health system. You can also feel frustrated and angry when your child or teenager becomes aggressive and hurts you or others.
Holding on to anger for long periods of time can increase your stress and hurt your overall mental wellbeing.
Actions Step: Practice forgiveness. This may be difficult, but remember it is a gift you are giving yourself.
Action Step: Try a guided meditation to release anger and resentments. I like to visualize the hurt and angry feelings blowing away where they can no longer hurt.
5 Things to MENTALLY Remove to Improve Mental Wellness: Summary
Just as we can declutter our homes, we can also declutter our minds. We can improve our overall mental wellbeing by reducing and removing guilt, focusing on the past, focusing on the future, mental to-do lists, and anger.
However, just as in cleaning and decluttering our homes, caring for our minds is a practice as well. While some of our moments can be very difficult to live through from tantrums, to doctor appointments, and crisis situations, there is hope to be found in the final line of our focus quote.
If you are at peace, you are living in the present.
Lao Tzu
If you are looking for additional guidance, writing out your thoughts is a powerful strategy. You can also work on adding gratitude in the process of removing negative thought patterns. Here are two guided journals to help get you started.
It is my hope that some of these action steps have helped you return to your present and find some peace. Please share with us and other caregivers in the comments an action step that you found helpful.
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(This post may contain affiliate links. I may receive a commission, if you purchase an item through a link, at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Genuine recommendations only.)
