Better Holidays for the Special Needs Family

Better holidays for the special needs family = Reducing Stressors + Increasing Enjoyment

Self-Care for special needs parents during the holidays is also important. It will help you maintain mental and physical health during a very busy time.

For children with special needs, the holidays can pose additional and unique challenges. Then the entire family can experience increased stress.

“The holidays” often means the time between Halloween and the New Year in the United States. This is a long period of time! It is filled with activities and changes in routine.

The strategies shared here can also help with smaller celebrations. For example, family birthdays, family reunions, or school graduations.

But, many holiday stressors can be reduced. More importantly, with strategies, the whole family can get more enjoyment out of the holidays!

Before we go on, holidays can be very stressful. There is a lot of information in this article. Take your time. You may also want to focus on one area or suggestion at a time. Then revisit this article as needed.

Why are Holidays Stressful for Special Needs Families?

Special needs families are already facing unique challenges. Our article Reducing Barriers to Self-Care as a Special Needs Parent has more on this topic.

However, holidays can introduce additional challenges. It can be helpful to think about these challenges. Then you can better address them.

Holidays are meant to be fun and enjoyable. However, some of their aspects are what makes them so challenging. In fact, many families experience increased stress around the holidays. Not all of these challenges are unique to special needs families. But, special needs families can identify their unique challenges. Then take steps to decrease stressors.

One of the biggest holiday stressors is the change in routine.

Additional Holiday Challenges and Stressors 

• Financial pressures
• Isolation and loneliness
• Unmet expectations
• Sensory overload

While there are other stressors, let’s focus on these five. First, we will explore each of these stressors. Then we will suggest strategies to reduce them.

Five Holiday Stressors for the Special Needs Family

Better holidays for the special needs family start with identifying areas that may be adding stress.

• Change in routine
• Financial pressures
• Isolation and loneliness
• Unmet expectations
• Sensory overload

Now, let’s take a closer look at each of these areas. Think about how they may be causing stress for your family. This will help you gain a better understanding of your unique situation.

Change in Routine

Many children with challenging behaviors and other special needs thrive on routine.

But, holidays can be the opposite of routine!

Routine changes can also impact sleep schedules. Some family members may be able to handle one or two late nights. However, if your child cannot then a late night can lead to behavior issues. Read more on the importance of sleep in our article Self-Care When You are Exhausted: Slow and Gentle Self-Care.

Financial Pressures

Holidays can quickly become expensive. From additional seasonal foods to decorations to gifts, it can start to add up quickly.

Also, making good financial decisions is more difficult if you are stressed.

For more information read our article Financial Self-Care for Special Needs Parents.

Isolation and Loneliness

Holidays can be full of gatherings, activities, cards, and parties. But they can also be a very lonely time.

Children with behavior challenges often cannot attend large gatherings. Traveling to visit family can also be too challenging to do.

You may also not be able to have visitors to your home.

In 2020, many people complained about having to spend holidays at home without visitors. I doubt I was the only special needs parent to feel disheartened. Many special needs families celebrate holidays every year at home and without visitors.

Isolation and loneliness can be challenges all year long for many special needs parents. However, the holidays can often make these feelings more intense and painful.

Further reading: Reframing Loneliness and Isolation for Special Needs Parents.

Unmet Expectations

Holidays can bring up a feeling of nostalgia.

You may want to have holidays like you remember them as a child.

You may also want to do all the things and go to all the parties and places. Or you may just want one or two aspects of your ideal holiday.

From social media to advertisements to our own hopes, the bar is set very high for holiday expectations.

Giving yourself grace is important.

It is also ok to be sad and a little disappointed.

Sensory Overload

Many children have sensory sensitivities. Holidays can become overwhelming quickly!

Flashing or blinking lights. Bells. Wrapping paper. Santa’s beard. New foods with different textures and smells. Holiday music. Costumes. Fancy clothing or increased outwears. More people in a room than usual. More people talking at once.

Sensory sensitivities and overload can also result in increased challenging behaviors.

Possible Solutions and Strategies to Reducing Holiday Stress and Increasing Joy

Let’s now look at these five areas again. Let’s now focus on ways you can reduce their toll. Let’s also focus on ways to increase enjoyment!

Less Stress + More Joy = Better Holidays for the Special Needs Family

Changes in Routine

Step One is to identify the changes in your routine.

First, think about your current routine. Write out what a typical day looks like. Consider both weekdays and weekend days. Write your routine from wake up to falling asleep.

Next write out what the holiday routine will look like.

You may need to write out a different routine for several days. Holidays often change the routines of many days. This can build stress up over time.

Are there a lot more changes to your daily routine than you initially thought?

Possible Solutions:

Action Step: Reduce changes. Is there one day that has multiple activities? Consider spreading them out across a few days. Are there other activities you could cross off your to-do list? When my children were younger I tried to spread Christmas activities across the month of December instead of one big active day. We continue to use this strategy to prevent overwhelm.

Action Step: Build in rest. This is important for each family member. If you give your child a rest, but then stay up to late doing too many holiday tasks then you will become exhausted. You can do activities at home, such as watch a holiday movie in your pajamas.

Action Step: Try visual supports. Write out the new routines as appropriate. This could be using a calendar, listing times and activities for the day, or a picture schedule.

Action Step: Write a holiday wish list. Instead of things, list activities. Once you know the activities your family wants to do you can focus on adding them in. Cut out the rest.

Financial Pressures: Possible Solutions

Action Step: Keeping a monthly budget is helpful all year long. Setting a budget and a plan for the holidays is also helpful. List out all the people you would like to give gifts to this year. Assign each person a set amount of money you will spend on a gift. Don’t forget to get yourself a gift. As a single mom with young children, I have learned to put something for myself under the tree each year. Looking for some ideas? You can click here for inspiration.

Action Step: Budget for extra activities as well. The list of desired activities in the steps above will help you plan for additional spending. Consider if there will be costs for tickets or food. A plan will help lower costs. You can often check up costs online. For example, if you are going to a new movie theater to watch a holiday movie, you can find ticket prices online and often food prices. You may find matinees or specials through research as well.

Action Step: Ask for what your family wants. When appropriate, let others know what your children would like for holiday gifts. Often family members ask for guidance when giving gifts. Having the list of gifts and activities can be helpful here too.

Financial Pressures: A Few More Possible Solutions

Action Step: Having an ongoing annual budget will help you set aside some money each month to have ready for the holiday season. This can greatly reduce financial pressure. Also, knowing what bills are due at that time of year will help you plan and decrease unwanted surprises. Each December I know I have a water bill (billed every other month), half of may annual car taxes, and my professional annual licensure dues. Planning for those in advance means I can cover the needed costs and still be able to enjoy extra holiday activities.

Action Step: It is ok to make cuts. Reduce the number of people getting gifts and/or give a lower cost gift. Homemade gifts such as ornaments are well received. I still have ornaments my former students made for me. I also receive at least one email each year from one of my children’s former teachers commenting on how happy they were to pull out of their decorations box the cinnamon star ornament we had made for them. Each year we mix applesauce and cinnamon to make a dough and cut out stars using cookie cutters. We put a small hole in each star and once they dry out we tie a ribbon through the hole for hanging. We have fun together as a family, the house smells amazing, and people enjoy receiving them. My youngest insisted on going around his entire school passing them out one December!

Isolation and Loneliness

Action Step: I like to hang up pictures and cards we receive in the mail. It is not the same as seeing people in person, but it is nice to see them throughout the holiday season. I no longer send cards. It is a stressor I removed from my holiday to-do list. However, I find reaching out through individual phone calls and emails is a nice way to feel more connected.

Action Step: In addition to planning fun activities for your family to do, set up activities for yourself as well. This could be hot chocolate and a favorite holiday movie. Or you could listen to holiday music and enjoy some cookies while wrapping presents.

Action Step: Talk with other special needs parents. There may be some special needs family friendly activities in your area that you are unaware of. I learned about sensory sensitive movies through an autism family group. We now enjoy several movies a year at the theater. We feel welcome, the staff accommodates special diets and picky eaters, and we are able to enjoy a family activity. You can find more ideas in our article Finding a Good Support System as a Special Needs Parent.

Further reading: Reframing Loneliness and Isolation for Special Needs Parents.

Unmet Expectations

Action Step: Take some time to think about what holidays were like for you as a child. What expectations from childhood do you apply to how the holidays look in your family today? Are they realistic for your family and current situation? Holidays are so strongly rooted in tradition. It is ok to let the holiday season evolve and meet the needs of your family today. It is also ok to be sad that you cannot do all the holiday activities you had imagined. Take the time to remember the aspects of past holidays you enjoyed, but then move forward into the now and enjoy the holidays of the moment.

Actions Step: Give yourself permission to take activities and expectations off your to-do list. For me, this started with realizing taking a picture with three young children and sending them out during a hectic time of year was just too much. The first year I let family and friends know that their gift to me and my gift to myself and my family was no cards this year. I have not sent a card since and I have not heard a single complaint.

Unmet Expectations: Another Possible Solution

Action Step: Remember that in life there are seasons. For many years I chose to keep fragile Nativity figures wrapped up safely in their storage boxes. They were a favorite from my childhood, they survived a flood while I was a new mom, and I knew they would most likely be broken if I put them on display. However, I can now display them safely and they are enjoyed by my family. What you may not be able to do this year, you may be able to do in the future. Along the way you will find new traditions as well. For us, it is the snowflake mandalas we hang on our glass doors. I made them during a very difficult holiday season filled with therapy sessions, tantrums, and hospital visits. They continue to brighten up our cold winters years later.

Sensory Overload

Action Step: On a typical day, many special needs children are already dealing with sensory overload. Think about what your child avoids and what is more easily tolerated. Blinking lights on a tree or even outside the house may be too much. But, your child may enjoy the tactile feedback of velvet bows or garland.

Action Step: Build in break time throughout the day. This may mean keeping the house looking as same as possible. If you have visitors or have gone out to an activity, having a quiet rest in a familiar bedroom or playroom can be very helpful.

Action Step: Think about the environment from your child’s eyes. Also, if you are feeling overwhelmed, others probably are as well. Can you turn down lights or lower the volume? My neighbors have beautiful lights on their homes, but at night we use black out curtains to make sure we still sleep soundly.

Better Holidays for the Special Needs Family: Summary

Better holidays for the special needs family are possible through reducing stressors and increasing activities you all enjoy.

We looked at many stressors and possible solutions today. You may want to take your time and revisit and focus on one area at a time.

During the holiday season or anytime of the year, your self-care is important. It helps you maintain your physical and emotional health. You may find some inspiration in our article Self-Care Gifts for Special Needs Parents and Caregivers.

If your Self-Care has become neglected during a recent holidays try some ideas for Quick and Easy Ways to Restart Your Self-Care Routine. It also shares some preventative tips as well.

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