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Work-Life balance for the special needs parent can feel impossible at times.
Finding work-life balance is a challenge for most parents. It can be even more difficult with the additional challenges facing special needs parents. This can lead to feelings of discouragement and stress.
As a single parent of three school-age children (two with special needs), I work full-time outside of the home. I often find it difficult to balance work and home. Most days I am contacted by at least one teacher during working hours. This can add to the challenge of balancing the two responsibilities.
Let’s look at some of the challenges special needs parents face while trying to maintain a job. Then we will look at some strategies to help you in this process.
Work-Life Balance: A Clarification of the Concept
The first challenge all working parents face is the concept of balance.
Balance suggests a 50-50 split. It makes me think of a see-saw. We work, we parent.
However, the lines are often blurred.
As one coworker puts it – she feels as if she is supposed to work as if she isn’t a parent and parent as if she doesn’t have a job. Yikes! That is a lot of pressure.
Let’s first try to remove the allusion of an equal balance. There is no separate switch to seamlessly go from worker to parent.
I would guess that before you became a parent, you often brought work home with you. Even if it was not to physically complete work, a problem, irritation, or upcoming meeting may have come home on your mind. It may have popped up when you were not working. Your personal life probably came to the workplace as well. From personal phone calls to sharing a weekend story with a coworker.
It is ok for work and life to mix together. It is also common for your focus to be on one more than the other at certain times of the day or stages of life.
Try to let go of the illusion of needing a “perfect balance.” Then you can focus on ways to let the two areas of your life compliment each other. Your skills as a parent most likely add to your skills in the workplace. The time for yourself and the financial stability your work brings to your life benefits you and your family.
Want to read more on the topic? Check out this article from www.mentalhealth.org/uk.
Work-Life Balance: Special Needs Parent Challenges
While there are countless challenges to working and parenting, today we are looking at a few you may face as a special needs parent.
- Missed Work
- Interrupted Work
- Always Having to Be “On”
- Increased Demands at Home
- Limited Rest Time
Let’s take a closer look at each of these areas. Think about how these areas are affecting you.
Missed Work
Special needs parents miss work for a variety of reasons. These can include increased illnesses and doctor appointments. Even when my children are doing well, we need to see their psychiatrist at least every three months. School meetings and possible school discipline issues can result in additional missed work. Therapy appointments and testing can also lead to missed time at the office.
Missing work can result in increased stress and pressure when you are in the office. Deadlines still need to be met. Often I have to make up for the missed sessions from my sick time. But I am still required to take the time from my sick leave.
In extreme cases missing work can lead to putting your job and career in jeopardy. For me it has meant docked pay when I go over allotted hours. This time is calculated higher than my usual hourly pay.
Interrupted Work
Children with special behavioral needs often have difficulty at school. This may not result in parents having to leave in the middle of the work day. Even when children do not need to be picked up, the high frequency of stressful phone calls and emails from the school can interrupt a parent’s work flow. In some seasons, I have been nervous to even check my phone or email at work because I was being contacted so frequently.
Always Having to Be “On”
The pressure to do well at work and at home can lead to feeling like you have to be at the ready for both. You may feel tempted to check email or catch up on work at home. You may also have difficulty focusing at work if your child is having increased difficulty at home or at school.
The hypervigilance felt by special needs parents cannot truly rest while at work.
Increased Demands at Home
After a long day at work, special needs parents often walk right into a stressful home environment. It is difficult to fully relax in your home if there are caregivers or therapists also in the home. You may have to drive to additional therapies. At one point, I had to choose between getting milk and making it home before the bus was at my home. When children are in crisis or have difficulty with sleep, you may not be able to rest for several additional hours after work hours have ended.
Limited Rest Time
In addition to increased demands at home, these demands can reduce time to both rest and sleep. Many children with special needs, especially those with mental illness and/or behavioral issues, have difficulty with sleep. These sleep difficulties often affect the entire family. Exhaustion will affect your day and can have a compounding effect. Exhaustion can reduce productivity at work and increase crankiness at home.
Work-Life Balance: Tips and Strategies
Missed Work
Action Step: Planning ahead for known appointments helps you reschedule missed work tasks. If possible, you can also block off those days to avoid schedule conflicts. Depending on your job, you can also build in a cushion of time to finish tasks early and/or catch up on tasks.
Action Step: Have an emergency plan in place. At home, in your car, and online if possible keep a copy of important phone numbers and email addresses. If you need to miss an unplanned day of work, having these contacts at the ready is very helpful. When I had a child in crisis, I worked out a plan with my supervisor so that I could let her know I was out and she would know my schedule and alert parents not to come to school for individual sessions. Online calendars can also help you know what needs to be canceled.
Action Step: Missed work can mean missed pay. Setting up and maintaining an emergency fund is very important. Read more about creating a financial safety net in Financial Self-Care for Special Needs Parents.
Bonus Tip: No the law and how it may help protect your job. In the United States, the Family and Medical Leave Act may help protect your job.
Interrupted Work
Action Step: If the school is interrupting your work day with repeated communication, reach out to your child’s case manager or principal. Having an assigned point person as contact can help decrease repeated information. It can also increase the likelihood you will be contacted only about emergencies.
Action Step: If you are waiting on an important call from the doctor, have your phone nearby. If there is no reason to be at the ready, put your phone in a drawer. We are used to being in constant contact with our phones, some time apart can cut down on interruptions. Having email open in a side tab also adds to distractions and interruptions.
Action Step: Focusing on one task at a time can help you complete projects. It can also limit distractions and interruptions from coworkers, the school, and outside elements.
Bonus Tip: Check out the Pomodoro Technique for time management strategies. The link has resources and helpful videos!
Always Having to Be “On”
Action Step: If you cannot take a long break, take a few mini breaks throughout each day. This can include walking to a bathroom on the other side of the office. You could also sit in your car for a few deep breaths before leaving for the office, leaving for home, and when you return home.
Action Step: Schedule yourself in. At work, put a five or ten minute buffer at the start and end of your day if your job lends itself to it. At home consider waking early for some time to yourself.
Action Step: Focus on finding an activity your child can do independently at home so that you can rest even in the next room for 10-15 minutes at a time.
Bonus Tip: You may like to try strategies from Finding Time for Self-Care.
Increased Demands at Home
Action Step: Take a look at all of your home tasks and see what you can remove. Taking things off of your to-do list will free up time for you. It will also decrease demands.
Action Step: Ask for help. Can you hire a cleaner even for every other week? What about grocery delivery? Being able to have groceries brought to my car after I ordered online freed up time and decreased a stressful weekly chore. Have children do chores such as emptying the dishwasher or putting away laundry.
Action Step: Consider respite services. Great places to look for respite workers are local universities. Speak with your child’s doctor or therapist as many localities have programs that will help with the cost of respite care.
Limited Rest Time
Action Step: Maximize the time you do have. If your child falls asleep earlier than usual one night, go to bed early too.
Action Step: When rest time presents itself, take it. Prioritize your rest over chores, especially when your sleep and self-care has been limited.
Action Step: When sleep is difficult, do gentle activities. Read a magazine or watch a rerun of a TV show. Make use of your Self-Care Kit.
Bonus Tip: Try suggestions from Self-Care When You are Exhausted.
Work-Life Balance for the Special Needs Parent: Summary
We hope the strategies in this article help you manage the challenges and stress of working as a special needs parent.
Special needs parenting often comes with increased stressors. You may also want to try some of the tips in Ways to Reduce Stress-Related Side Effects.
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(This post may contain affiliate links. I may receive a commission, if you purchase an item through a link, at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Genuine recommendations only.)
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